Yes, Im a bad person

I know im a bad person.

If someone told me back in 2006, that after 12 yrs, im going to fall in love 5 times to 5 different woman and the last one was the worst break up ever that will leave me crying day n night, i will tell that person to fuck off. I had the confidence of a lion to roar and just about to get anything i want and i see fit.

I can recall all the names but one really hit me hard. And its the last, which is the worst.

I always had a rule when its about to get to know ladies that eventually you would want to ditch her sometime later. But stupid enough for me, i broke my own rule on this one. I was blinded and ended up to be exactly where i know it would ended up for allll theseee years..its amazing how someone could change after 12 yrs and bcome like this pathetic. From a lion, to bcome a tiny ant whom just had to stay put, when a foot is about to drop on it.

My rules were simple;
Dont get too attach. Easy..just dont get to know each other too much, dont get that chemistry switched on too much, and dont dive your feelings in.

Simple right? Hence, after all those 4..it was sooo simple for me to let go. But the last one just fuckin hit me in my soul. My mistakes were;

1 - caring too much of her daily routines and memorizing them.
2 - getting to understand her even before she opens her mouth - i would know what she would say or respond to something.
3 - getting to know and meet the parents. This is the worst possible ever no-no...but i did.
4 - taking care of her when shes not well. This is showing care and affection and at the same time, where it would lead to your brain unconsciously, loving the person more than it should be.

Hence here we are, with a broken heart and broken brain, fail to wake up in the morning and fail to know whats right and wrong, and no energy to go about finding back my own path. Im in a total mess right now. If youre reading this, would you by any chance could help me. Im lost. I just need a guide to come back to my own self. Or should i even be my own self back again? Or maybe this is better?

Yes im a bad person. A very bad person that you should be away from...please.help.me.